sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
