They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
