The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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