if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
