I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
