If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
