...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
