There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
