stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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