ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize