I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
