Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
