alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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