I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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