Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
