Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
