do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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