Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
