Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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