when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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