Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
