By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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