they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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