i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
