the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
