what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
