I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
