Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i believe in u and ur pee
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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