Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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