I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
