i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
