Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
