My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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