I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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