is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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