I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
