I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
