I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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