i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
