What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
