Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
