I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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