ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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