tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
