I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
