I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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