goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
