yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
