i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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