Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I came so hard my ears popped.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
