Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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