I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
