her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
