when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
