I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
