sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
