This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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