I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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