Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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