If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You ruined the universe
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize