Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
