I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
