my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
