My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We need a shit load of segways right now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone signed my nipple.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
