did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
