all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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