Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
