btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
