thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
