Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
