I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
