So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
FUCK WHALES
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