You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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