Rock
Scissors
Fuck
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
