i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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