We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there was a trapeze. enough said
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
