Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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