I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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