when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize