Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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