drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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