So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
