community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
