i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
