Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
