I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
