ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
