She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
