1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
