i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
