fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
