Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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