Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You ruined the universe
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
