I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
