Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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