her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
