blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
