we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
