When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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