the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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