She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
