either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
