If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
