i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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