WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
