Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize