Is it because I queefed?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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