We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
