I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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