break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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