If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
