does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
