I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
